


the pet name predicament

by chatsdelune (greymooses)



Series: 30 days of svt [19]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, 5+1 Things, Ambiguous Relationships, Borderline crackfic, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pet Names, Some of them at least, lee chan doesn't deserve this level of suffering, pls don't come here looking for anything particularly shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greymooses/pseuds/chatsdelune
Summary: there are pros and cons to having twelve hyungs with very few personal boundaries. pros include always having someone to go to with his problems and an unbelievable amount of security; cons involve twelve hyungs trolling him at every opportunity.chan is used to it, but sometimes he thinks that only makes them try harder.(5 times he wasn't surprised by absurd pet names being thrown around, 1 time he [everyone] was)
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Lee Seokmin | DK/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: 30 days of svt [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949296
Comments: 14
Kudos: 176





	the pet name predicament

**Author's Note:**

> this is right up there with the pole fic in terms of stupidest things i've written. truly don't expect much here haha. i went way off on the prompt, like the smart thing would've been to make this gyuhan, but i wanted an excuse to write jigyu the other day bc i missed them and i like writing chan so whatever here we are.
> 
> ignoring that they have 3 dorms now because it's easier with the arrangement from the 2.
> 
> the number of mistakes and continuity shit and repeated words that i found in this after i posted bc i was writing half asleep last night smh. if there's more weirdness, i am very sorry.
> 
> prompt: we keep coming up with the dumbest most heteronormative pet names for each other because the sarcasm is just too much but nobody bats an eye  
> plot twist: chan occasionally bats an eye.

**one**  
chan is minding his own business, trying to eat breakfast with myungho, when seokmin comes strolling into the apartment.

"hey, buttercup," he coos, seconds before draping himself over myungho's back. chan tries to focus on his phone instead of them. it only sort of works. "do you have the hoodie you stole from me last week?"

"you stole it back, sunshine."

"i can't find it," seokmin whines.

"did you ask mingyu?"

"no, he's… busy."

it's not the pet names that bother him, or even surprise him at this point, it's the casual reference to why they all stuck jihoon and mingyu in the same room to begin with.

"i'm _eating,_ " chan whines. "can you not make me think about that?"

"birds and bees, muffin," myungho says, almost apologetically, as he pats chan's hand on the table. 

"i hate you both."

they all know he's lying, but seokmin still redirects his attention from myungho to him, coming around the table and hanging himself around chan's neck like a wet towel. chan rolls his eyes and mouths "help me" at myungho, but all he does is shrug.

"you don't really hate us, right, sugar boots?" seokmin asks.

"he doesn't have the hoodie, hyung," chan groans. "go back downstairs and bother someone else."

"fine. myungho, my ladybug, see you later."

**two**  
soonyoung and wonwoo are fully occupying the sofa in the living room, somehow. they always seem to do that cat-like thing where they contract or expand to fit whatever container they're in. in this case, wonwoo looks absolutely tiny against soonyoung's chest, his head resting on soonyoung's arm with their legs tangled together. yet they still look too big for furniture that can seat like four of them. chan doesn't get it.

wonwoo cranes his neck to look at him when he pads in. "channie, do you want to watch something with us?"

chan shakes his head and passes quickly between his hyungs and the tv. "came to get water."

"your head is in the way, kitten," soonyoung mumbles quietly.

"sorry, pookie."

presumably, wonwoo moves, because the next thing chan hears is soonyoung saying thanks.

**three**  
it's when they're filming something, or otherwise all together, that things get a little wild. vernon is next to him, the both of them on their phones, waiting for their turn with the stylists.

vernon doesn't even look up, just calls, "hey, bubble butt," across the room.

"what's new, pussycat?" seungkwan replies. "miss you."

"how do you know he meant you?" seungcheol complains.

"he didn't say bubble butt _hyung,_ hyung," seungkwan argues.

"definitely meant my boo bear, sorry hyung. miss you too, baby."

"you can _see_ him, hyung," chan says, exasperated.

"still miss him, peaches."

and that's the risk of showing any weakness — getting names thrown at _him,_ because he has no idea where they come up with this shit, but they have a seemingly endless supply.

**four**  
jeonghan and seungcheol have a game they think annoys him. it involves leaving messages for each other on a whiteboard outside jeonghan's room, in a spot chan has to see every day, and they continuously up the ante on the names.

it started with basic ones like "dear" and "babe" and as everyone else has gotten more brazen to try and break chan, so have his eldest hyungs.

he's started snapping pictures as proof and either future bribery or to show their kids, he hasn't decided. maybe both.

> hotcakes,  
>  if you wake me up, you won't get any for a month.  
>  love you 😇  
> 

> you wouldn't make it three days, angel, but message received.  
>  text me  
>  \- hotcakes

> seungcheol,  
>  went out to get joshuji stuff for his headache.  
>  i'll find you when i get back, pudding.

> sounds good cuddlebug

the last one makes him roll his eyes the most. again, not because of the pet names, but because of the irrationality. shua hyung lives downstairs. seungcheol hyung lives downstairs. the chance jeonghan hyung will come up here and find the note before finding seungcheol is ridiculously low. he left the note solely for the sake of whatever game they're playing.

chan sighs, moves the photo to his dedicated folder, and goes to find seungkwan.

**five**  
joshua and junnie might be the worst. any time chan has come close to losing it, it's been because of those two. they're not very big on pet names outside the dorms, but at home is a completely different story. they _cook_ together — which works out very well for everyone actually, so chan can't complain too much — but they often do it upstairs where it's slightly more cramped, and jun hyung has no shame.

"joshy, my dove, can you turn the heat down? it's bubbling too much."

chan is just trying to watch a movie with vernon and soonyoung.

"you want a simmer instead?"

"yes, honey bunny."

vernon leans his head back and contributes: "what are you monkey muffins making?"

chan honestly can't tell if he pulled 'monkey muffins' out of his ass or it's something he's heard them say before, but he suspects the latter.

"no idea, ask my marshmallow," joshua replies.

"eh," vernon mutters, and returns his attention to the movie.

**+one**  
chan's only solace in all of this madness is jihoon and mingyu. they're gross, but the pet names game hasn't quite made it to them — they're only used by mingyu, which is significantly better than both of them.

at least, he assumes so, based on a wealth of evidence. he even walked in on mingyu cleaning once, with jihoon reading in the corner just to be near him, and mingyu called him "my waffle" without him returning one.

it's during practice, though, that he finally breaks.

it's a difficult section, exhausting even for chan and soonyoung, and mingyu is struggling. they take a few minutes to rest and chan watches him collapse in the corner.

"hey, cookie, get me some water?" mingyu calls across the room.

jihoon makes a noise to indicate he heard him and grabs an extra bottle, opening it for him when he gets to his side.

"thanks, pumpkin."

"sure thing, hot stuff."

everyone stops what they're doing. it's eerie. seokmin was practicing facial expressions, but he gapes at their reflection in the mirror instead. wonwoo coughs to cover a laugh.

jihoon realizes the chaos has momentarily subsided. "what?" he asks.

"you— are you okay? are you yourself? where's my hyung?" chan shoots back in disbelief.

seokmin breaks, which makes everyone else break. chan is still dumbfounded.

"he's right, though, sweetie," mingyu says, completely unphased. "you never use anything but my name unless we're alone."

jihoon rolls his eyes. "okay, so?" he asks, glaring around the room. "i hold the fate of all of you in my hands. is this the battle you want to choose?"

"no battle, hyung, just surprised," chan assures him. "right?"

everyone readily agrees, murmurs of "yes" spreading throughout the room, along with a "whatever" from a disinterested jeonghan.

"i love exactly one of you."

"love you, too, shortcake," mingyu chirps.

"i love exactly none of you."

**Author's Note:**

> this should not have taken me two days, but thanks for coming.


End file.
